Minneapolis Adventures

I had a rather interesting experience at a bar Wednesday night with a guy who amused me to no end and shouldn't have. I met some girls in the restroom who were talking about a course they were taking at the University of Minnesota, dealing primarily with issues of race and white privilege. As we were leaving the restroom, we bumped into a tall, lanky guy who immediately joined our conversation. He asked for my background, and I told him I was Korean.

He proceeded to immediately forget this information - "Korean" registered in his mind as "Chinese" - and then told me that he had spent a lot of time in China and that he had shed all of his racist tendencies and would love to have an Asian girlfriend.

Me (stifling laughter): "Just for future reference, you might not want to say that around too many Asian women."
Guy: "Oh no, I know, but I really want to have an Asian girlfriend."
Me: ...

And later...

Guy: "...and I've been to China, and I know how the Chinese people think."
Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!"
Guy: "But I have spent time in China, and I know how they think there."
Me: "Uh, there are like a billion people there, I'm not sure you can say that."
Guy (now clearly agitated): "But I've been there, and I know how they think!"

1. Watch IrishTenor demonstrate holding cat on his lap, lubricating pill with butter, prying cat's mouth open, popping pill into cat's mouth, and holding cat's mouth closed until he swallows.
2. Wonder whether you can duplicate procedure by yourself; conjecture no.
3. Arrive at IrishTenor's house the next evening; locate cat, medication, and butter.
4. Seat yourself on living room couch and summon cat.
5. Realize that cat is under coffee table and therefore is out of reach.
6. Get up; lure cat out from under table.
7. Pick up cat and seat him on your lap.
8. Scrape butter onto pill.
9. Try to pry cat's mouth open.
10. Jump violently when someone knocks on the door, dog explodes into loud barking, and cat flees, digging his hind claws into your thigh as he goes.
11. Locate and soothe cat.
12. Repeat Steps 4, 7, and 9.
13. Give up when you realize cat will not cooperate.
14. Enlist the aid of IrishTenor's roommate.
15. Have roommate restrain cat while you try to pry cat's mouth open; experience fear of losing finger when cat's ears fly back as a result of annoyance.
16. Watch pill go flying due to being too well buttered.
17. Recover pill from floor.
18. Attempt another prying of cat's mouth while cat is restrained by roommate.
19. Repeat Steps 16 and 17.
20. Applaud roommate's brilliance when he suggests wrapping pill in cheese.
21. Enfold pill in small piece of Kraft Single.
22. Watch in awe as cat gobbles down cheese, pill and all.
23. Repeat Steps 21 and 22 twice daily until IrishTenor's return.